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Marriage as an Act of 'Ibaadah

Aneesa Azeez reflects on the potential for religious and spiritual fulfilment through marital

This narration solidified for me what I should be looking for in a spouse. You see, before hearing this beautiful and wise naseehah of Al-Hasan (RA), I thought I had the whole Islamic marriage process figured out. I had sat up for nights writing lists of character traits that I desired in a husband. I had a list of "absolute must-haves," those things on which I was not willing to compromise, and then I had a list of "ideal non-necessities," those things which I would love for my future spouse to possess, but which if lacking, would not sour the sweetness of my future marital bliss. From physical attraction to education, from future children to future location, I was certain that I had covered every angle. And yet, as thorough as I was, I had totally missed the point. Because no amount of education, good looks, or charm can make up for a man who lacks taqwa.

In my quest for marriage, I was, like many sisters, seeking the right answers to the wrong questions. We know of the authentic hadith of Rasulullah SAW, where he advised the believing men of his Ummah: "A woman is married for four (things): her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her deen. So you should take possession of (marry) the one with deen (the righteous one), otherwise you will be a loser." Can we find alternative wording here? Sisters are quick to direct a brother to this hadith, making sure to emphasize that, of the four characteristics mentioned, deen is what the Prophet SAW prioritized. And yet, perhaps if more of us implemented this nasihah in our own marital decisions, we would be spared the eventual heartache and disappointment that leave so many of our marriages in disarray.

Hikmah is the perfect word to describe the nasihah of Al-Hasan ibn 'Ali (RA) for the root of the word hikmah is "to put things in their proper place." SubhanAllah, did not Al-Hasan, put our priorities in seeking marriage in their proper place? For if we started marrying brothers because of their taqwa of Allah (SWT), with or without the money, degree, and charm, we would be marrying brothers who insha'Allah would treat their marriages like they treat any other part of their lives: as an act of 'ibadah. And as with any act of 'ibadah, when we perform it, we should be doing it for the sake of Allah (SWT) and to gain His pleasure. We should strive to perfect every act of 'ibadah and to perform it with it's proper hukm and in its proper manner, with ihsan.

And what is ihsan? It is as the Prophet (SAW) stated,

"Ihsan is to worship Allah as if you see Him, and if you do not achieve this state of devotion, then (take it for granted that) Allah sees you."

May Allah (SWT) grant all of my sisters righteous spouses, those who fear Allah (SWT) in all that they do, including the affairs of marriage, for indeed, He is Al-Hakeem, the All-Wise.

This article was published in the second issue of SISTERS-MAGAZINE.